“Whether or not you assume you possibly can, otherwise you assume you possibly can’t, you’re proper.” ~Henry Ford
We’ve all been there: fortunately ticking off life’s checkboxes, sure we’ve cracked the code, till—bam!—life decides in any other case. Divorce papers, layoffs, grief, or sudden sickness—life’s curveballs don’t discriminate.
For me, it was a sudden thriller sickness at sixteen. What ought to have been a easy an infection modified the trajectory of my complete life. Medical doctors have been at a loss, assessments supplied no solutions, and I used to be left navigating an unsure actuality, desperately clinging to manage as my lifeline.
In the future I’m cheering on the Friday evening soccer recreation, and the following I’m navigating a seemingly countless string of endoscopies, colonoscopies, biopsies, EEGs, EKGs, psych assessments, numerous blood assessments, and nonetheless no solutions.
I bear in mind the day all of it went mistaken.
I used to be in highschool watching a film at a buddy’s home after we burned the popcorn. Annoying, positive, however not a trigger for concern. Apart from me, the room began spinning, and my head felt prefer it was going to blow up, so I stepped exterior to get some air.
Subsequent factor I do know, the lovable boy I had a crush on discovered me handed out within the driveway. This was the start of chasing signs that have been solely getting extra mysterious and more and more worrisome.
Navigating a continual thriller sickness as a younger grownup felt unattainable, devastatingly unfair, and inconsistent. One week I might assume the worst was behind me, lastly in a position to put my life again collectively, and the following I used to be blindsided as soon as once more by some new symptom.
My mates have been getting jobs, going to events, courting, and discovering who they have been whereas I used to be curled up on the toilet flooring. By my twenties, leaving necessary conferences at work to throw up blood within the toilet was my regular.
The toughest half was by no means understanding if I might belief my very own physique. Was I going to get up wholesome or in excruciating ache?
I spent years in sufferer mode, attempting to “get it proper,” believing if I attempted arduous sufficient I might management my method out of the issue. If I might simply anticipate each twist, I’d by no means really feel blindsided once more.
Spoiler alert: it didn’t work. My well being spiraled, my relationships suffered, and monetary issues and self-medication changed self-compassion and safety. No quantity of management shielded me from the inevitable messiness of being human, particularly a human with a continual sickness.
Alongside the way in which, there have been so many rock bottoms I’m undecided I might select one pivotal second. By the point I used to be approaching thirty, I had been on state incapacity and was taking so many meds that I used to be having paranoid, suicidal ideas. It was clear that no matter uphill battle I used to be preventing wasn’t working, however I didn’t see one other method out, and I used to be too younger to surrender. I believe they name this being caught between a rock and a tough place.
There was nowhere to go for recommendation or extra solutions, and that’s the loneliest I’ve ever been. The unknown was sitting there, staring me within the face, taking part in a recreation of rooster.
Regardless of any proof that I used to be going to win, I wasn’t going to again down both. So I walked away from conventional remedy plans, which weren’t working anyway, and centered on what I might management: my mindset and my perspective. It was time to learn to make proverbial lemonade from a batch of rotten lemons.
To protect the small quantity of sanity I had left, curiosity turned my lifeline. Since resisting or controlling actuality didn’t work, what if I bought interested in it as a substitute? This wasn’t about blind optimism, poisonous positivity, or magical considering. Frankly, manifesting and cosmic belief felt too far-fetched for somebody who didn’t know if they’d be capable of bodily or mentally get off the bed.
I wanted one thing sensible, one thing that felt grounded and doable. “What if?” helped me droop actuality simply lengthy sufficient to see issues differently. It shifted from a difficult self-experiment to my new tenet.
- What if my physique wasn’t betraying me however instructing me one thing essential?
- What if each upheaval wasn’t punishment however an invite to deeper self-awareness?
- What if I might discover a solution to be completely satisfied, even when life wasn’t what I assumed it might be?
- What if I wasn’t damaged; I simply wanted to do issues in a different way than different folks?
- What if it didn’t must be this difficult?
Over time, curiosity helped me open a brand new actuality, one the place my largest ache was additionally my biggest trainer. I used to be pressured to observe sitting within the discomfort of the unknown and am all the higher for it. Ultimately, I used to be recognized with a mitochondrial dysfunction, however on the time, remedy choices have been restricted, so my prognosis didn’t present any extra certainty than earlier than.
The highway was lengthy and bumpy, to say the least. I imply, there was a complete decade I used to be hopeless, jobless, and puking blood on the each day. However alongside the way in which, my medical journey pressured me to embrace a brand new narrative, one the place I didn’t see myself as sick. I modified my relationship to not solely my physique but additionally to how I take a look at life. What felt like a limitation was the important thing to unlocking my liberation—I simply didn’t understand it on the time.
Whereas not a magic capsule, this shift helped me heal and keep wholesome for nearly ten years. Little did I do know that one other curveball was ready for me on my fortieth birthday.
After struggling mould poisoning as a consequence of a water leak in my residence, my mitochondrial dysfunction got here again in full drive. I used to be puking blood on the toilet flooring and all. This time, I wasn’t sixteen, and I had the instruments to reclaim my energy when all the pieces round me was falling aside. As an alternative of spiraling about my lack of management or the unfair circumstances, I had the framework to maneuver ahead.
This didn’t change my very actual and painful challenges. It didn’t reduce the monetary blow or logistical upheaval to my life. But it surely did permit me to traverse a relapse with the curiosity I wanted to maneuver ahead calmly and confidently, regardless of this new uncertainty.
For those who’ve struggled with Hashimoto’s, perimenopause, intestine points, continual fatigue, again ache, despair, or another undesirable prognosis, possibly you possibly can relate. That’s the factor about continual sickness—the signs could also be completely different, however the ache of understanding the right way to transfer ahead is normally the identical.
My classes have been hard-earned, however they helped me rework ache into risk when all the pieces felt unsure, and hopefully, they might help you too.
My three steps to navigating life’s uncertainties:
1. Curiosity is the door to risk.
When life inevitably disrupts your fastidiously laid plans, permit your self the area to grieve the lack of your expectations. Let your self really feel the ache as a result of acceptance is vital to shifting ahead. Then gently ask, “What if?”
This will really feel disruptive at first as a result of, in case you’re like me, you’ll cling to the fact you understand like a life raft in a stormy sea. However in case you can’t even entertain a distinct consequence for a second, then nothing will ever change.
- What if my physique isn’t failing however asking me to decelerate?
- What if ending this relationship permits area for a deeper connection?
- What if shedding my job is forcing me to not accept ok?
- What if this example is asking me to lastly face a tough fact I’ve been hiding from?
This isn’t naive positivity; it’s a strong cognitive shift. Curiosity disrupts recurring considering and creates area for brand new truths you beforehand couldn’t think about. While you discover completely different realities, you can begin seeing alternative the place earlier than all you noticed was ache.
Motion: Record your present struggles. Beside every, write down one daring, curiosity-driven “What if?” query. It isn’t wishful considering—it’s difficult your self to open your thoughts to a brand new risk.
2. Radical accountability is your private energy.
We’re all storytellers, weaving that means into the occasions in our lives. For years, my narrative was, “This isn’t honest,” “Why did this occur to me,” or “I’m sick, so one thing’s basically mistaken with me.”
Whereas not nice for my psychological well being, this narrative supplied consolation as a result of there’s security in certainty—and in case you’re the sufferer of your individual story, you don’t want to vary. However consolation got here at the price of my company. Even when it isn’t your fault, you might be accountable for the state of your life as a result of what you don’t change, you select.
Over time, I acknowledged that whereas the constraints of my sickness have been actual, my id didn’t need to be outlined by them. Radical accountability doesn’t imply blaming your self or anybody else for all times’s twists. It means reclaiming your potential to decide on the way you interpret and deal with these occasions.
I ultimately selected to rewrite my narrative: my sickness wasn’t proof I used to be damaged; it was proof of my resilience, a catalyst for progress, and my biggest trainer. This allowed me to create a actuality the place I wasn’t simply enduring a continual sickness; I used to be thriving and studying the right way to grow to be the very best model of myself.
Motion: Write down a perception that’s maintaining you caught. Rewrite it beginning with, “I select to imagine… as a result of…” Then resolve if that perception is serving you, or if you wish to make a distinct alternative. Discover how this shift feels. You management the narrative, not the circumstance.
3. Group is the important thing to braveness.
Going through uncertainty alone is overwhelming and counterproductive. Who you encompass your self with not solely supplies assist; it shapes your actuality profoundly. I realized shortly that surrounding myself with individuals who validated my struggles as a substitute of my progress stored me spinning in cycles.
Statements like “Life isn’t honest,” “There’s by no means sufficient,” or “That’s simply how issues are” are in every single place, however they grow to be silent saboteurs. What you say and who you spend time with form what you imagine is feasible for your self and others.
Discovering folks, locations, and hobbies that assist your curiosity, problem your notion of what’s doable, and encourage your evolution are important. I’ve been moments away from quitting numerous occasions, solely to be saved by those that jogged my memory of my energy and progress. I take a look at the folks round me with deep love, gratitude, and respect as a result of how they present up on this planet jogs my memory of what’s doable.
Motion: Replicate actually in your relationships. Record individuals who encourage braveness and progress and people who reinforce limitations, even when they imply properly. Prioritize nurturing the supportive connections.
The Takeaway
My expertise navigating a lifetime of continual sickness has taught me that you could’t combat the inevitable, messy elements of life. They aren’t at all times honest (or enjoyable), however you will discover freedom as a substitute of concern in the course of the liminal areas. Embracing uncertainty, nonetheless uncomfortable, has proven me that when all the pieces is unknown, something is feasible.
For those who’re skeptical, I perceive—I’ve been there. However what if the unknown isn’t one thing to concern however one thing to discover? What if embracing uncertainty is the key superpower you’ve been in search of?
Whether or not it’s coping with continual sickness or another sudden plot twist life throws your method, getting into the unknown isn’t straightforward, however belief me, it’s so value it. On the opposite aspect is a life that’s authentically, unapologetically yours—messy, imperfect, and profoundly liberating.
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