“Most individuals don’t hear with the intent to know; they hear with the intent to answer.” ~Stephen R. Covey
I used to suppose operating a barbershop was all about haircuts, schedules, and retaining shoppers completely satisfied. I measured success by the variety of chairs crammed, how shortly we moved via the day, and whether or not every thing ran easily. Effectivity felt like crucial factor.
Then one afternoon, a second with a buyer modified every thing.
Mr. Hicks, an everyday, got here in wanting unusually quiet. He slumped in my chair, barely making eye contact, and gave solely brief, mumbled solutions after I tried to make small discuss. Usually, I’d have crammed the silence, tried to maintain him speaking, or supplied recommendation. However that day, I paused. I merely listened. I let him sit in silence as I labored, resisting the urge to talk unnecessarily or attempt to “repair” something.
Minutes later, he started to share struggles he had been carrying for months—tensions at work, household challenges, the load of fixed exhaustion. By the point I completed his haircut, he appeared lighter, calmer, nearly relieved.
I noticed I hadn’t wanted to present recommendation. I hadn’t wanted to unravel his issues. I had solely given him my consideration. That day, I discovered a lesson I carry with me each time I sit behind the barber chair: listening is a present, endurance is a apply, and presence can heal in methods phrases generally can’t.
This lesson didn’t simply apply to Mr. Hicks. Over time, I started noticing comparable moments with different shoppers, apprentices, and even family and friends.
A younger apprentice, struggling to excellent his methods, got here in a single morning wanting defeated. As an alternative of correcting him instantly, I stepped again, watched, and let him attempt on his personal. When he lastly turned to me for steerage, the lesson turned his personal. The enjoyment on his face was extra rewarding than any reward I may have supplied.
I’ve come to know that endurance isn’t nearly ready. It’s about presence. It’s about absolutely participating within the second, with out speeding to the subsequent process. In a barbershop, it’s simple to really feel pressured—shoppers ready, appointments lined up, each second seeming worthwhile. However slowing down and giving somebody your full consideration creates connection in a method pace by no means can.
One afternoon, I confronted a very difficult state of affairs. A consumer got here in visibly pissed off and tense. Each suggestion I made appeared to annoy him additional.
I may have taken offense or brushed him off, however I attempted a special strategy. I listened not simply to his phrases however to the refined cues: the tone of his voice, the strain in his shoulders, the hesitation in his actions.
Slowly, he started to chill out, and by the point I completed, he was calmer, smiling, and expressing gratitude. That have bolstered that generally, individuals want greater than recommendation. They want acknowledgment and house to be heard.
I’ve additionally carried these classes past the store. With mates, household, and even strangers, I attempt to pause earlier than responding, asking myself whether or not I’m really listening or simply ready to answer. I’ve observed that after I give individuals room to share brazenly, relationships deepen and develop extra genuine.
Operating a barbershop has taught me humility. Not each story is straightforward to listen to, and never each problem will be solved with phrases or actions. However being current, affected person, and genuinely attentive is a type of service that always issues greater than technical talent. I’ve discovered that my function isn’t all the time to repair issues however to create a secure house the place individuals really feel seen, understood, and valued.
There have been moments of private progress too. Early on, I struggled with impatience, speeding via duties, wanting instantaneous outcomes, and lacking the refined cues from these round me. By being attentive to the human facet of my work, I’ve discovered to decelerate, discover particulars, and reply thoughtfully slightly than react impulsively. This endurance has spilled over into different areas of my life—how I handle stress, deal with battle, and nurture relationships.
I’ve additionally found that listening can remodel the listener as a lot because the speaker. Every story I hear challenges me to see the world from a special perspective. I’ve developed empathy I by no means knew I had, realizing that everybody carries burdens and struggles silently, trying to find somebody prepared to easily acknowledge them. This consciousness has made me extra compassionate, not simply within the store, however in each interplay.
Typically, the teachings are available in surprising methods. I keep in mind a shy teenager who got here in for his first haircut. He was nervous, nearly silent, and appeared uncertain of how one can work together. I spoke much less, noticed extra, and let him get comfy.
By the top of the session, he was laughing, joking, and sharing tales. That easy act of endurance, giving him room to open up, jogged my memory that progress typically occurs quietly, in small, unassuming moments.
Via all of this, I’ve realized that endurance and listening will not be passive acts. They’re energetic selections we make day by day. They require mindfulness, consideration, and the willingness to place one other individual’s expertise earlier than our personal must act or reply. Operating a barbershop taught me that these selections, repeated over time, construct belief, deepen relationships, and foster real human connection.
If there’s one takeaway I can share, it’s this: decelerate, be current, and hear. Whether or not in a barber’s chair, a front room, or a office, giving somebody your full consideration is a uncommon and worthwhile present.
You don’t want particular coaching or experience, simply the willingness to be affected person, discover, and perceive. The teachings you study, and the expansion you expertise, will stick with you lengthy after the dialog ends.
About Timothy Warden
Timothy Warden is a barbershop proprietor in Stafford who believes haircuts are solely a part of the story. Listening and presence are simply as essential. Via his work and each day interactions, he writes about private progress, mindfulness, and human connection, sharing classes discovered from the barber chair and past. Go to his website at numberonebarbershoptx.com.
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