“After which I noticed that to be seen by others, I first needed to be prepared to see myself.” ~Nameless
In a world that teaches us to be seen solely once we’re polished, productive, or pleasing, I discovered one thing surprising on the opposite aspect of my digicam: myself.
However not the filtered model. Not the composed one or the “smiling as a result of I’m advantageous” model.
I discovered the individual I’d forgotten—the one who had spent years loving, giving, displaying up for everybody else however hardly ever turning any of that tenderness inward.
I didn’t choose up the digicam to take fairly footage. I picked it up as a result of I used to be afraid I’d disappeared.
I Didn’t Wish to Be Seen; I Wanted to See Myself
The concept of photographing myself didn’t come from a spot of vainness. It got here from absence.
One night, whereas attempting to add pictures for a courting profile after years of single parenting and heartbreak, I noticed I had no pictures that felt like me. Not the model of me who had weathered a lot. Not the model I used to be turning into.
So I quietly arrange a tripod. Brushed my hair off my face. Took a deep breath.
Click on.
The primary picture felt awkward. The second felt posed. However by the third, one thing shifted. I noticed a glimmer—not simply of who I had been, however of who I would turn out to be.
This wasn’t about being photogenic. It was about presence.
Every Click on Grew to become a Quiet Homecoming
Quickly, I began photographing myself often. Alone. Unrushed.
Some days, I wore mascara. Different days, I didn’t even brush my hair. And a few days, I cried.
However every single day, I attempted to indicate up as truthfully as I might.
Slowly, I started to note issues I’d missed for years:
- Energy in my eyes
- Grace in my growing old arms
- Resilience in my stillness
They weren’t simply footage. They have been whispers. Visible love letters. A method of claiming, “I’m nonetheless right here.”
And I wasn’t invisible. I’d simply been wanting via the improper lens.
I Thought I Was Taking Photos, however I Was Truly Therapeutic
We reside in a tradition that celebrates busyness and output. However it hardly ever teaches us tips on how to witness ourselves—particularly in stillness.
In these quiet moments behind the lens, my digicam turned a mild instructor. It held area for the model of me that didn’t all the time really feel put collectively. It didn’t ask me to smile. It didn’t choose. It simply noticed.
And in being seen—actually seen, by my very own eyes—I started to heal.
My digicam turned greater than a instrument. It turned a mirror. Not the type that criticizes or compares, however the type that claims, “You’re allowed to take up area. Simply as you might be.”
Right here’s What I Realized (and Hold Studying)
By this expertise, I realized:
- I wasn’t invisible. I simply hadn’t checked out myself with curiosity in a very long time.
- I had seemed with judgment. With fatigue. With disgrace. However not with compassion.
- These weren’t selfies. They have been self-portraits—acts of reclamation.
- I didn’t should be lovely. I simply wanted to be trustworthy.
Every session turned a quiet act of insurrection—in opposition to perfectionism, in opposition to invisibility, in opposition to the stress to carry out.
And slowly, a fact emerged: I didn’t want to attend for a milestone to be worthy of consideration.
I didn’t want a change. I wanted permission. Permission to see myself. Permission to say: That is me, now.
From Therapeutic to Serving to Others
Finally, one thing surprising occurred.
I started to share items of my story. And other people began reaching out.
- “I really feel like I’ve misplaced myself, too.”
- “I haven’t seen a photograph of myself I really like in years.”
- “I don’t bear in mind the final time I felt snug in entrance of a digicam.”
So I began photographing others—not for branding or particular occasions, however for therapeutic.
In pure mild, in protected areas, we’d create photos that captured one thing greater than look.
We captured presence. Belonging. Fact.
One lady whispered after her session, “I really feel like I’ve come dwelling to myself.”
I knew precisely what she meant.
You Don’t Want a Particular Event to Be Seen
Should you’ve ever felt such as you’ve gone just a little quiet inside…
Should you’ve ever seemed within the mirror and puzzled whenever you stopped recognizing the individual staring again…
Should you’ve ever felt just like the world sees solely a fraction of who you actually are…
I need you to know this: you don’t want to attend.
You don’t must lose ten kilos or acquire a promotion or begin a brand new relationship to turn out to be worthy of your personal gaze.
You already are.
So if you happen to’re feeling invisible, right here’s a mild invitation:
Arrange your digicam. Let the sunshine fall in your face. Be nonetheless. Click on.
The primary picture would possibly really feel unusual. The second could really feel compelled.
However preserve going.
Finally, somebody will present up in that body. And once they do, you’ll bear in mind: you’ve been right here all alongside.
About Shannon Kathleen
Shannon Kathleen is a Minneapolis-based photographer who makes a speciality of self-worth and on-line courting portraits. After navigating years of single motherhood and quiet reinvention, she started a self-portrait observe that helped her reconnect along with her id — not as a mum or dad, associate, or skilled, however as herself. She now helps others rediscover their confidence via the lens. Discover her reflections, mild sources, and pictures at shannonkathleenphotography.com
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