“It isn’t our variations that divide us. It’s our incapability to acknowledge, settle for, and have fun these variations.” ~Audre Lorde
For many of my life, I requested myself a quiet query:
What’s incorrect with me?
I didn’t say it out loud. I didn’t must. It was stitched into how I moved by means of the world — hyperaware, self-correcting, and at all times just a bit out of step. I knew learn how to “go” in the precise settings, however by no means with out effort. Beneath all of it, I used to be exhausted by the each day efficiency of regular.
Trying again, it’s clear the place it began.
I grew up in a house marked by emotional chaos and unpredictability. Like many youngsters with developmental trauma, I grew to become hypervigilant earlier than I even had phrases for it. I discovered to trace temper shifts, tones of voice, the silences between the phrases. Whereas different youngsters have been absorbing math classes, I used to be studying the room.
In elementary faculty, I wasn’t the loud child or the front-row overachiever. I used to be the quiet one within the center row—not daring sufficient to be in entrance the place individuals would possibly see me, and never defiant sufficient to threat the again, the place the “dangerous youngsters” acquired referred to as out, punished, or ignored. I discovered early that security meant staying within the center: seen sufficient to keep away from bother, invisible sufficient to not stand out.
I didn’t know what the lesson was. However I knew who the trainer favored and who she didn’t. Who had a tough night time at dwelling. Who was making an attempt too laborious. Who had checked out. And who was silently hurting the way in which I used to be.
I used to be at all times paying consideration—even when they stated I used to be unfocused—simply not in the way in which the trainer needed me to.
I additionally daydreamed. Continually. I lived in fantasy worlds that I made up in my head, full with characters, backstories, and dialogue. I wasn’t making an attempt to keep away from actuality—I used to be making an attempt to outlive it. And people imagined worlds have been usually kinder than the one I used to be caught in.
So when individuals say issues like, “That little one is so distractible,” I need to pause them.
Typically, what you’re seeing isn’t a dysfunction. Typically, it’s a baby adapting to a world that feels unsafe.
What We Name Disordered Would possibly Simply Be a Totally different Sort of Knowledge
As I acquired older, I began to understand how most of the issues we pathologize—particularly in girls, neurodivergent of us, and trauma survivors—are literally adaptive and even gifted traits. However as a result of they don’t match the dominant mildew of what “wholesome” seems like, we name them damaged.
Let me say this clearly: Totally different doesn’t imply disordered. And even when assist is required, that doesn’t imply the individual is missing.
Take ADHD. It’s usually diminished to disorganization or forgetfulness, however for many individuals, it displays fast-paced, pattern-jumping brains that crave stimulation and thrive in high-innovation areas. That very same mind would possibly wrestle at school however mild up in entrepreneurship, the humanities, disaster work, or tech.
Take nervousness. Sure, it may be overwhelming. However beneath it’s normally a delicate nervous system attuned to power, threat, nuance. In trauma survivors, it usually displays the flexibility to learn between the traces—to sense what’s not being stated, to organize for each potential final result. They preserve themselves and others protected by seeing the dangers earlier than the dangerous factor occurs.
Take autism, particularly in women and girls. What will get labeled as rigidity or social awkwardness would possibly really be deep authenticity, truth-telling, and sensory brilliance in a world filled with noise and social masking.
Even despair generally is a type of knowledge—a physique demanding relaxation, a soul refusing to maintain performing, a nervous system lastly saying “sufficient.”
What Neurodivergence Actually Means
Neurodivergence isn’t one factor. It’s a giant umbrella. It consists of circumstances like:
- ADHD
- Autism
- Studying variations (like dyslexia or dyscalculia)
- Sensory processing variations
- Temper problems (generally)
- PTSD and C-PTSD (particularly after they trigger long-term mind modifications)
For some, it’s hardwired. For others, it’s trauma-shaped. And for many people, it’s each.
In my family, neurodivergence runs deep.
My mom lived with bipolar dysfunction and schizophrenia. My oldest son has ADD and nervousness. My youngest is autistic, has an mental incapacity, and in addition lives with ADHD. I’ve carried complicated PTSD, nervousness, despair—and actually, in all probability undiagnosed ADD too.
We aren’t damaged. We aren’t much less.
We’re a line of deeply delicate, in a different way wired people making an attempt to outlive in a world that doesn’t at all times acknowledge our sort of brilliance.
I do know what it’s to be the outcast.
I watched my mother change into one—judged and misunderstood by her family, dismissed by society as a result of her bipolar and schizophrenia made individuals uncomfortable. I’ve watched my youngest son change into one too. He’s autistic, has an mental incapacity, and ADHD. And I do know—deeply know—that if I hadn’t chosen to worth his wiring, the world might need crushed him. For a short while, it did.
However this child performs the drums like no person’s enterprise.
He’s fiercely protecting, wildly loyal, and extra emotionally intuitive than anybody I’ve ever met.
And each from time to time, he’ll say one thing so particular, so unusual, so piercingly true, I swear he’s studying my thoughts — or another person’s.
We don’t speak about this type of intelligence sufficient. The sort that doesn’t present up on standardized assessments or IQ charts, however lives within the bones. Within the music. Within the figuring out.
Neurodivergence merely means your mind features in a manner that diverges from the norm. That’s not dangerous. That’s important—as a result of the “norm” was by no means constructed with all of us in thoughts.
The Larger Image
We reside in a tradition that rewards sameness: consideration that stays linear, feelings that keep tidy, studying that occurs on schedule.
However actual life is messier than that. And actual individuals are extra complicated.
A number of the strongest thinkers, healers, leaders, and artists I do know reside with labels that may’ve sidelined them in the event that they hadn’t discovered to translate their variations into energy.
Totally different doesn’t take away from the dialog. It provides to it.
And the following time you surprise if one thing is “incorrect” with you, pause.
What if that a part of you isn’t damaged?
What if it’s simply misunderstood?
What if it’s making an attempt to indicate you one thing the world forgot learn how to hear?
About Allison Briggs
Allison Jeanette Briggs is a therapist, author, and speaker specializing in serving to girls heal from codependency, childhood trauma, and emotional neglect. She blends psychological perception with religious depth to information purchasers and readers towards self-trust, boundaries, and genuine connection. Allison is the writer of the upcoming memoir On Being Actual: Therapeutic the Codependent Coronary heart of a Girl and shares reflections on therapeutic, resilience, and inside freedom at on-being-real.com.
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