“Typically the strongest factor you are able to do is to ask for assist.” ~Unknown
We dwell in a world that praises power—particularly quiet power. The type that reveals up, will get issues achieved, and infrequently complains. The type that’s resilient, reliable, productive. However what occurs when the robust one quietly breaks inside?
“You’re a superwoman!”
“You’re so dependable!”
“You’re the glue that holds everybody collectively.”
I wore these compliments like badges of honor. For years, I believed them. Not simply believed them—I constructed my id round them.
I’ve all the time been a multitasker. A jack of all trades. I managed work, dwelling, relationships, and 100 transferring items in between. I cooked elaborate meals, remembered birthdays, purchased considerate presents, checked in on associates repeatedly, confirmed up for strangers when wanted, pursued hobbies, supported others’ goals, and pushed by way of bodily ache or emotional fatigue with out criticism.
I used to be the one folks turned to. And in the event that they didn’t flip to me, I turned to them. If somebody was going by way of a tough time, I’d present up with soup, a handwritten card, or a name that stretched for hours. I’d intuit wants earlier than they have been spoken.
And when folks mentioned issues like “Wow! How do you even handle all this?” or “You’re unbelievable,” my coronary heart swelled with satisfaction. It felt good to be seen. It felt highly effective to be wanted.
However over time, I started to appreciate one thing quietly tragic.
Beneath all that power was somebody drained. Not the type of drained that sleep might repair—however the sort that comes from years of overriding your individual wants for others. The type that comes from complicated love with over-giving. The type that sneaks up whenever you’ve worn the strong-one masks for thus lengthy, you don’t know who you might be with out it.
I didn’t see it as people-pleasing again then—I actually beloved being useful. I believed that if I might ease somebody’s burden, why shouldn’t I? Isn’t that what love appears like? Isn’t that what kindness does?
However slowly, quietly, invisibly, it was taking a toll on me. My pores and skin had withered, my hair had thinned, and I’d placed on weight round my waist.
As I grew older, I started to really feel the shift. The identical enthusiasm that when lasted till midnight now light by sundown. The fatigue wasn’t simply bodily—it was emotional, non secular. My physique wasn’t breaking down, however my soul was whispering, “You may’t maintain carrying the whole lot.”
And ultimately, I listened.
As a result of one thing stunning and painful hit me suddenly:
Energy isn’t about holding all of it collectively. Typically, actual power is in understanding when to let go.
It’s in saying, “I don’t need to be robust as we speak.”
It’s in resting, while not having to earn it.
It’s in telling the reality when somebody asks, “How are you?” and answering, “I’m truly not okay.”
It’s in giving your self permission to be absolutely, messily, unapologetically human.
The world doesn’t inform us that. It tells us to hustle. To push. To maintain going. That relaxation is a reward, not a proper. That slowing down is weak point. That softness is fragility.
However now I do know that softness is a type of power too. A courageous sort. A sort that doesn’t scream or carry out—it simply is.
So, How Do You Start Letting Go of the “Robust One” Position?
Letting go doesn’t imply giving up in your values. It means loosening the grip on the strain to be the whole lot to everybody. It means rewriting what power means to you. Right here’s how I started doing that:
1. Verify in with your self each day.
Ask: What do I would like as we speak?
Not what’s on my to-do listing or who wants me, however what would make me really feel centered proper now?
Typically the reply is water. Typically it’s stillness. Typically it’s motion, or tears, or music. You gained’t know except you pause to ask. Even 5 minutes of silence—earlier than mattress, within the bathe, or whereas sipping your tea—can reconnect you to your self.
2. Study to obtain assist.
You don’t have to hold the whole lot alone. Let another person prepare dinner the meal. Let another person take the lead. If somebody affords help, don’t reflexively say “I’m effective” or “I’ve received it.” Say thanks. Allow them to present up for you.
I bear in mind sooner or later telling a pal that I used to be exhausted and simply not within the temper to prepare dinner. She provided to ship over meals, and I accepted it—with gratitude and reduction.
Letting somebody look after you want that doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human. Accepting assist builds connection, permits others to indicate love, and sometimes brings a quiet pleasure that’s simply as nourishing because the help itself.
3. Let go of the applause.
Right here’s the laborious reality: validation feels superb—but it surely can be a entice. You begin doing issues not since you need to, however as a result of others anticipate it from you. The cycle is addictive.
Ask your self: Would I nonetheless do that if nobody seen or clapped?
If the reply isn’t any, give your self permission to step again. Select pleasure over efficiency. Select peace over reward.
4. Set smooth boundaries.
You don’t want to elucidate or justify your “no.”
For years, I might justify mine, feeling the necessity to clarify or defend it. Slowly, I started altering the narrative. Now, I gently and unapologetically say, “I’d love to assist, however I don’t have the capability proper now.” “Can I get again to you on this?”“I would like a while for myself this weekend.”
Boundaries aren’t about pushing folks away—they’re about defending your interior panorama. The extra you honor them, the extra spacious, calm, and type your life turns into.
5. Redefine what it means to be robust.
We’ve been taught that power is about endurance, resilience, and by no means displaying weak point. However actual power can be quiet, tender, and human.
I bear in mind sooner or later, utterly overwhelmed, an in depth pal got here to test on me. When she requested how I used to be, I couldn’t maintain it in—I simply broke down. She didn’t attempt to repair something; she merely held me, letting me pour out the whole lot I’d been carrying. And in that second, I felt lighter than I had in months.
Energy isn’t all the time in doing extra. Typically it’s in being absolutely current with your self, in your softness, in taking a pause, and in saying “not as we speak” with out guilt.
6. Prioritize relaxation such as you would a deadline.
Relaxation isn’t laziness. It’s gas. It’s sacred.
You don’t want to attend for burnout to relaxation. You don’t want to complete the whole lot in your listing to earn stillness. Schedule it. Guard it. Honor it.
Make relaxation a each day ritual—not a uncommon luxurious. Your physique, thoughts, and spirit will thanks.
As soon as I started prioritizing relaxation, I seen a shift—not simply in my vitality, however in my readability, temper, and talent to really present up for myself and others. Life felt lighter, and I lastly understood that honoring my physique wasn’t egocentric—it was vital.
To These Who’ve All the time Been the Robust Ones
Should you’ve all the time been the caregiver, the doer, the dependable one… I see you. I honor you.
However I need to remind you of one thing you’ll have forgotten:
You don’t have to show your value by way of over-functioning. You don’t have to sacrifice your well-being to be beloved. You don’t need to maintain displaying up because the “robust one” when your coronary heart is quietly asking for a break.
You have been by no means meant to hold all of it.
You may take the cape off now. You may exhale. You may cry. You will be smooth. You may ask for assist. You may select relaxation. You may let somebody maintain house for you.
Since you’ve already achieved sufficient. Since you are sufficient. And since power isn’t about how a lot you carry—it’s about understanding when to let go.
Let your new power be rooted in gentleness. Let your softness lead. Let your coronary heart exhale.
About Aruna Joshi
Aruna Joshi is an writer of 4 books, an emotional wellness advocate, and the voice behind Zen Whispers, a weblog for deep-feeling souls who crave gentleness, reality, and readability. By means of private tales and smooth reflections, she helps readers really feel much less alone of their interior struggles. You’ll find her at thezenwhispers.substack.com.
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