If working in the direction of your enterprise targets feels exhausting, this episode is for you. For those who’ve been anticipating outcomes that you simply’re not even working for – it’s time for a actuality test. I’m going to inform you how to determine whether or not you’re doing this and what to do about it if you’re.
For those who’re a perfectionist and also you’re constructing a enterprise, you wish to take heed to this episode at the moment.
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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Introduction
That is the Perfectionism Mission, the one podcast created particularly for perfectionists who’re constructing companies. I’m your host, Sam Laura Brown, perfectionism professional and entrepreneur. I educate perfectionists the way to plan correctly, persistently comply with by way of and relaxation with out guilt to allow them to construct worthwhile and fulfilling companies with out burning out.
I’ve helped over a thousand perfectionist entrepreneurs do precisely that inside my program, Perfectionist Getting Shit Accomplished. For those who’re bored with procrastinating, overthinking and half ending your concepts, you’re in the precise place. Now, let’s dive in.
Sam Laura Brown (Customized Introduction)
As we speak I’ve a better of the podcast episode for you. So at this level, there are a variety of episodes on this podcast, and I wish to be certain the perfect episodes don’t get misplaced within the archives. So at the moment I’m sharing with you an episode that’s properly beloved and in addition one which I’m always referring to and linking individuals to.
And I wish to ensure you can take heed to it as properly if you happen to haven’t already. So with out additional ado, let’s get into the episode.
Sam Laura Brown
Hello, and welcome to episode 100 and fifty 4 of the Perfectionism Mission. My title is Sam Laura Brown, and I’m right here that will help you beat procrastination, overcome perfectionism, and turn out to be your greatest self. As we speak I’ve a little bit of a actuality test for you. I wish to discuss to you about whether or not you expect outcomes that you’re not truly working for. That is extraordinarily widespread. I’ve positively executed it myself, however I actually needed to name this to your consideration, particularly if you happen to really feel such as you’re in a by no means ending wrestle in the direction of your targets. You don’t know what else it’s good to do to attain them. You actually really feel such as you’re at your wit’s finish and also you don’t know what you have to be doing in another way.
So I used to be impressed to file this episode for you as a result of in our perfectionists getting shit executed. I’ve been seeing this come up lots and in addition with my one on one teaching shoppers as properly. What is occurring is that I’m seeing our members and my shoppers say, I’m simply so annoyed, I haven’t achieved this objective, or I really feel like I’m doing every little thing or I simply don’t know what to do in another way. And I ask them, okay, inform me what you’ve been doing to really work in the direction of this objective. And infrequently it is vitally, little or no. And these individuals aren’t being disingenuous. They’re not mendacity as a result of to them, it seems like they’re doing lots.
The rationale it seems like they’re doing lots is as a result of they’re spending a lot psychological vitality round that objective. They’re feeling overwhelmed, they’re feeling burdened, they’re most likely busy, they’re doing busy work. Or it might be that they’re procrastinating. And that’s mentally exhausting too. And so they’re always attempting to get themselves to cease procrastinating. And it actually seems like that’s taking motion in the direction of the objective. However the actuality is that in these conditions, they’re anticipating outcomes that they aren’t truly working for.
And we do that on a regular basis. Some examples could be if you happen to perhaps have simply graduated from college or faculty, and also you’re very disillusioned that you simply didn’t get your dream job, and but you solely did three functions, you probably did a half assed job and you probably did it on the final minute. Or perhaps you’re trying by way of Instagram and wishing that you simply have been more healthy and wishing that you simply handled your physique higher, or wishing that you simply have been like another person. And but all of these outcomes that you simply’re envying and that you simply’re spending all of this psychological effort and vitality envying.
And I’m not encouraging this, however I’m simply saying, if you happen to’re doing that and but you’re not truly placing any effort into getting that type of consequence, that’s such an excellent instance of if you end up anticipating a consequence, you’re not truly working for. And a method you’ll be able to inform that is you could be like, properly, I’m not truly anticipating to look that method. I’m simply disillusioned that I don’t. It’s the identical factor. For those who have been disillusioned, you don’t have a sure consequence. That signifies that you’re anticipating that it is best to have it, that you’ve got some type of perception beneath there, that that must be yours.
So I really need you to have a take into consideration whether or not you expect outcomes that you simply’re not truly working for. And I feel this can be a very fascinating dialog matter for perfectionists, as a result of with perfectionism, we’ve got this perception that I must do extra to be extra. And that perception makes us overwork and hustle and grind and overthink and do all of those various things. And we really feel like we’re placing a lot vitality into issues and that for me to be like, hey, perhaps it is best to truly be doing extra is type of loopy to recommend.
And I’ve talked about in different episodes, like the way to relaxation With out Feeling responsible, how vital it’s to discover ways to truly relaxation, and the way to truly cease your self from working for work’s sake and doing the busy work and, and filling your whole time with exercise simply to distract your self from the truth that you don’t really feel ok. I’m not speaking about doing extra when it comes to hours, or when it comes to expending the vitality and the hassle. I’m additionally speaking about simply altering what you’re doing from one thing that isn’t working to one thing that’s working.
So I’m not right here to say you’re not working exhausting sufficient. It is advisable be working double the hours or no matter that’s. I don’t imagine in that. However a variety of occasions perfectionists get actually annoyed as a result of they imagine of their potential. They imagine they’re good and clever, and due to the overwhelming stress that they’re going by way of, they really feel like they’re placing in an actual stable effort in the direction of attaining one thing, after which they really feel dissatisfied and disillusioned as a result of they haven’t achieved that. Despite the fact that if you happen to have been to have a look at it from an out of doors perspective, there’s actually no cause to imagine they need to have achieved that consequence.
And I need you to be excited about if somebody was to look at your life for every week, a typical week, would they know what targets you’re truly working in the direction of? And if that’s the case, would they anticipate it’s important to be attaining outcomes? Would they anticipate that it is best to have already been profitable by now? If somebody was to have a look at your life to look at you objectively, sure, they’re variety and loving and all of that, however they’re having an goal have a look at your life. Would they know what you truly need? Or are you participating in a variety of motion that contradicts your targets?
That’s actually the definition of self-sabotage. Doing one thing that’s in contradiction with what you need. And I do know it’s a lot simpler mentioned than executed. Oh, simply cease self-sabotaging. I’ve this entire podcast due to how difficult it’s to cease self-sabotage. However I actually wish to name you out on this as a result of a variety of occasions the explanation we aren’t in a position to cease self-sabotage is as a result of we don’t even notice that it’s happening. We expect I’m doing every little thing I can. I’m working my butt off. I’m struggling so exhausting. Why am I not getting outcomes?
The rationale that you simply may not be getting outcomes is since you aren’t truly actually placing in as a lot effort as you imagine you might be. It’s acquired to be the correct of effort, and Normally it doesn’t truly take that lengthy to attain what we wish to obtain. If we’re prepared to get uncomfortable, to do the scary issues and to really feel susceptible. They’re all mainly the identical factor. If we’re prepared to expertise these uncomfortable feelings, in addition to feeling stressed, which is how you’ll really feel once you wish to procrastinate, however you don’t truly let your self do this.
It’s positively how I really feel when I’m doing centered work or doing one thing, and I actually wish to be doing one thing else. I’ve this actual stressed feeling, and it’s so highly effective to discover ways to sit with that feeling and simply let or not it’s okay that it’s there. As a substitute of needing to reply that by distracting your self or scrolling by way of Instagram. And naturally, like every little thing I share on this podcast, I’ve had a variety of my very own expertise with all of this that I’m sharing with you, however I actually simply wish to carry your consciousness to this to essentially take a look at, am I anticipating outcomes that I’m not working for.
I do know, I do know, it actually can really feel like you might be truly working very exhausting for one thing, however actually, simply what’s exhausting is the wrestle and the procrastination and the entire psychological exercise, the indecision, the overwhelm, the stress. And we mistake that for motion. That’s truly going to get us in the direction of our targets. So then I wish to point out on this matter too is when it comes to doing mindset work, as a result of typically we really feel like we have to get our beliefs to be excellent earlier than we are able to take motion. And I’ll have members in our group saying this or one on one teaching shoppers saying this, that I simply really feel like there’s a perception that’s stopping me. Yeah, it’s going to be the case perpetually.
There’s at all times going to be a perception that’s stopping you. For those who’re always upleveling your life, there’ll at all times be these beliefs for us to beat. It’s so vital to do the non-public improvement mindset work, always in search of a journaling train or an affirmation to make your self really feel higher, to really feel extra snug doing the scary factor isn’t going to work. And it’s actually vital to acknowledge whether or not you’re placating your self with these workout routines, this mindset work to make your self really feel higher so you’ll be able to then go and do this uncomfortable factor. I need you to be considering, if that is one thing that you simply’ve been doing about performing as if you happen to already imagine the factor you wish to imagine.
So once you discover that you simply’re stopped, you’re in inaction. You’re not doing what you wish to be doing. As a substitute of attempting to imagine the brand new thought that’s going that will help you get there. I need you to consider what would somebody who’s doing what I wish to be doing imagine? What would they consider themselves? And actually, if you happen to can select a perception that’s already accessible to you that’s already considerably inside your perception system, as an alternative of believing or attempting to imagine one thing that’s utterly totally different. Have a take into consideration what they could imagine, how they’d assume in that state of affairs. Discover a perception which you could relate to essentially the most, or that feels essentially the most inside your grasp.
After which take into consideration, okay, if I believed that, I don’t imagine it but. I’ve nonetheless acquired work to do and there will probably be time for that. But when I did imagine that, what would I do on this state of affairs? Then as an alternative of doing the mindset work, you do this factor despite the fact that you don’t but have that perception there, you act as if you happen to imagine it. You are taking that motion And you then let that motion produce a consequence. That may then be proof for the brand new perception you’re attempting to create. As a result of a variety of occasions what occurs is that we imagine one thing isn’t going to work. After we imagine one thing gained’t work, what will we do? We initially have a sense that doesn’t truly assist us get something executed.
If we’ve got a perception this isn’t going to work, that doesn’t make us really feel motivated and impressed and decided and protracted and resilient. For many of us, that makes us really feel deflated, discouraged. How will we act after we really feel discouraged? We don’t do a lot. We don’t truly take any motion. What’s the results of that? That it isn’t working? After which that creates increasingly proof for our story that we’re telling ourselves that it isn’t working. That is one thing it’s important to turn out to be actually conscious of.
I see this on a regular basis in our group and with my one on one shoppers as a result of I used to be like, I simply don’t imagine it’s going to work or it’s working or that it’s potential. And after we unpack that and I am going by way of it with them, they’ll see how believing that and performing in accordance with that has truly created the truth that it isn’t working. Typically when we’ve got that thought, this isn’t working, it feels prefer it’s an commentary. However normally we’ve got created that actuality by believing it’s not going to work, or I’m not the kind of one who may do this. We create the truth, actuality the place it’s not working, after which we use that as proof to assist our perception that it’s not working.
Then we really feel much more discouraged. We take much less motion, then it nonetheless isn’t working, and it simply continues on and on and on. So to interrupt out of that, as an alternative of being in excellent perception about your self and the objective that you simply’re working in the direction of. I really need you as an alternative to have this strategy of, okay, properly, I’m going to behave as if I imagine that empowering perception that I wish to have, despite the fact that I don’t but imagine it, and let that create some new proof for you which you could then use to assist the brand new beliefs that you simply wish to create. It’s actually vital that we don’t assume that, okay, I must have all of my beliefs completely so as. I would like one other journaling train to resolve this.
I would like one other affirmation. I additionally wish to actually name this out to if I see this in our group, individuals saying, I simply must resolve the place this thought got here from. And whereas it may be useful to see after we first had a perception, it typically simply retains us caught as a result of we’re attempting to dig by way of our previous and determine precisely the place that got here from and why we believed that factor so vital. To acknowledge that your actions or lack of motion isn’t coming from the previous. It’s coming from the ideas that you’re considering at the moment. And a few of these ideas could be the identical as those you had previously.
Our mind loves considering the identical ideas time and again. Apparently ninety 5 p.c of them are the identical at the moment as they have been yesterday. So certain, it’s been in your previous in addition to your current, however it’s so empowering to acknowledge that your actions at the moment come out of your ideas at the moment. Sure, your mind may need actually ingrained this sure perception and you’ve got a extremely robust neural pathway for that perception, and your mind simply goes there instantly with out you even having to consciously give it some thought. However that doesn’t imply that it’s good to go digging round in your previous, as a result of then we’ll spend our entire life digging round and we gained’t truly get to do something and create something.
In order that’s been so useful for me to acknowledge. I don’t must know the foundation of this perception. I simply must discover ways to truly create a brand new perception. And a part of having the ability to create a brand new perception is letting it truly be okay that that perception is there. Numerous us make ourselves unsuitable for believing one thing, and it may be actually difficult once you begin getting extra consciousness round your ideas, it could possibly then be really easy to make your self unsuitable for considering a sure method. And it’s so fascinating. I hear this lots, this concept of, properly, as soon as I’m conscious of self-sabotage or as soon as I’m conscious of a disempowering thought, I ought to be capable of change it. Like I already know this.
So why am I nonetheless doing it? Like I ought to be capable of cease myself, however I can’t know. Your mind is designed to be ordinary so it could possibly save vitality for different issues that could be extra vital that come up. So it’s so vital to have that self-compassion. Whenever you actually begin to create extra consciousness that it’s okay, that you’ve got these beliefs that you’ve got, and it’s okay which you could see your self sabotaged and but you’re, you continue to really feel helpless to vary it. That’s a part of it.
Step one in the direction of truly altering a perception that you’ve got is having that self-compassionate consciousness round that perception and simply letting or not it’s okay that it’s there, and observing how it’s contributing to your actuality as an alternative of instantly going, okay, I would like to exchange this with a constructive thought. That’s after we actually get caught as a result of we’re attempting to disclaim the thought that we do have and slap this constructive bandaid excessive of it. And that simply doesn’t final due to the best way that our brains are wired. And so perfectionists hate doing this as a result of we would like these fast outcomes so we are able to really feel ok and we don’t need to be in discomfort. However if you’re noticing. Okay, I’m anticipating outcomes. I’m not truly working for. I’m self-sabotaging.
I hadn’t even been conscious that despite the fact that I really feel like I’m working actually exhausting in the direction of this factor, I’m not truly taking the correct of motion. Then the very first thing to do is simply have this consciousness round it with out truly altering something, to simply type of be like this scientist or to simply form of fake that you simply’re an animal within the zoo and also you’re observing your self and being like, oh, that is actually fascinating that I’m believing this sure factor, after which I’m exhibiting up on this sure method or that at the moment I felt so exhausting, and but I didn’t truly accomplish very a lot. And to similar to have that consciousness there, as an alternative of instantly attempting to vary your self and instantly attempting to make your self really feel higher.
As a result of if you happen to do this, it’s simply not going to create any type of long run consequence for your self, and I actually wish to provide help to create sustainable outcomes and sustainable change and to simply actually be, actually be self compassionate with this private improvement work that you’re doing. One other factor I needed to say as properly is to simply carry your consideration to how exhausting it’s to be in your individual method, as a result of I do know that once you’re listening to this, if you happen to do actually really feel like you might be working your ass off, you then may really feel like there’s not probably any extra you possibly can give otherwise you’re simply so exhausted as it’s. How may you probably do any extra?
And simply to reiterate what I mentioned initially, this isn’t about hustling and doing all of that type of factor. It’s nearly stopping some issues and beginning some various things as an alternative. So that you’re not truly spending any extra time. And funnily sufficient, it can take you much less time to really do the correct of motion. As a result of after we’re doing busy work or after we’re overwhelmed and burdened, we do a variety of pointless issues and we expend a variety of pointless psychological vitality. So I need you to remember that it’s exhausting to be in your individual method, and it’ll truly be very invigorating to get out of your individual method.
And I do know that since you’re listening to this podcast, you’re already bought on this concept of getting out of your individual method and that you simply wish to cease self-sabotaging, and also you wish to be the perfect model of your self which you could be. So I don’t, I do know I don’t must promote you on that, however I do wish to name it to your consideration that it’s exhausting to be in your individual method, and that it’s truly going to be a significantly better expertise to be out of it. And by that, I imply as properly that doing the uncomfortable, scary issues is definitely going to take you much less time and it’s going to take you much less vitality as properly, despite the fact that it can require braveness and require you to point out up, maybe in methods you haven’t earlier than.
It’s truly a lot faster to do this than to broaden all this psychological vitality that we do with regards to procrastination, being undecided, overthinking. I significantly simply wish to point out too. I do know I’m actually going off on all types of various tangents right here, however if you’re, um. Oh, now I can’t even keep in mind what I used to be going to say. Um, however anyway, um, so I simply needed to carry this to your consideration that if you’re actually feeling such as you’re working exhausting and also you’re not getting outcomes, then that is one thing that it’s good to simply carry up your consciousness round so as to actually start truly creating the outcomes and the success that you simply deserve, as a result of it’s simply so exhausting to be struggling.
And it seems like you’ll be able to’t probably do any extra. However that is about truly doing much less and simply doing these issues that scare the shit out of you, these issues that you recognize it’s good to do. Possibly it’s having a tough dialog. Possibly it’s making a call. Really, that’s what I used to be going to say earlier than. Um, that in case you have been deciding one thing for an extended time frame, that that may be a state of affairs the place you’re anticipating outcomes that you simply’re not working for. And in our PGSD group, I do know there are a number of PGSDers who’re wanting to start out companies. And but for a number of months, they’ve been in this type of limbo the place they’re like, I’m nonetheless deciding what sort of enterprise to start out.
And it’s such an excellent instance of after we expect outcomes we’re not working for. And I don’t imply that these ladies aren’t genuinely attempting to get to a solution, however what they’re not realizing is that by letting themselves keep undecided, they’re Appetizing and that it’s stopping them from truly creating outcomes, and it’s stopping them from studying what they should be taught and having the experiences they should have. And we desire when we’ve got the perfectionist mindset to sit down on the fence, as a result of then we are able to’t be unsuitable, after which we gained’t really feel ashamed about being unsuitable or ruining issues.
It’s a lot simpler to sit down on the fence, however sitting on the fence is exhausting. In case you have been sitting on the fence, then it’s time to get off the fence. And that can require braveness. That may would require vulnerability. It should require you to do issues that you’re scared to do. However it’s so significantly better than sitting on the fence. And particularly if you happen to’ve been excited about one thing for greater than every week, it’s time to get off the fence. Normally it prefer it actually solely takes one second to decide, and we frequently know what that call is already. We’re simply attempting to fake we don’t know the reply as a result of we’re afraid of taking motion and fucking issues up and feeling ashamed and being susceptible and doing all of these issues.
So I actually encourage you, if there’s a call you’ve been excited about for a very long time, it’s time to make that call. You’ve already had sufficient time to consider it. Make the perfect choice you’ll be able to with what you recognize now, and transfer onwards as a result of it’s so thrilling to take motion, despite the fact that it’s scary as fuck. For those who’re taking motion, then that creates momentum and that’s actually going to get you out of that cycle of feeling exhausted and feeling simply utterly drained out of your targets.
So I hope this episode has been useful. I hope it’s made sense. I do know I’ve been happening all of those totally different tangents and speaking about an entire lot of various issues. A part of the paradox of being a perfectionist is that you’ve got these excessive requirements, and also you sometimes are typically a excessive achiever, and everybody thinks you’ve acquired every little thing collectively and all of that. And but on the similar time, there’s the procrastination and the overwhelm and the inaction. And so generally it’s vital to say, hey, it’s good to relaxation. And different occasions it’s vital to say, hey, it’s good to cease procrastinating and overthinking and spending all this psychological vitality indulging in these destructive feelings that don’t truly result in any type of constructive consequence.
So on this episode, that’s actually what I’m saying. And sure, you continue to must relaxation with out guilt. And for the ultimate time, this isn’t about hustling. This isn’t about doing extra. That is about doing what’s going to truly get you outcomes and stopping these actions, each bodily and psychological, which are holding you away from what you need and persevering with with this wrestle, this by no means ending wrestle. It’s actually vital to to simply lastly remember concerning the cause. Generally we perpetuate a wrestle is in order that we are able to keep away from a unique wrestle in our lives.
So, for instance, the explanation that you simply could be staying up late after which waking up late as an alternative of working in your enterprise earlier than going to your job, could be since you’re simply scared as fuck to work on your enterprise. You’re scared of what’s going to occur if it fails. You’re scared of what’s going to occur if it succeeds. So as an alternative of really coping with that actual problem, you may perpetuate the wrestle round attending to mattress on time and waking up on time so as to keep away from it. In order that’s simply the ultimate factor I’m going so as to add in there. I’m not going to enter that an excessive amount of, however if you happen to’re always struggling and also you’re like, oh, if I may simply determine this out, then I’d lastly have time to do that different factor.
It’s the opposite factor it’s good to be specializing in as an alternative of getting this wrestle sorted out since you’re going to maintain perpetuating it as a result of it’s serving you. It is advisable drop that and have a look at, okay, I’m going to really do the work on the factor I must do. So in that instance, doing the work round enterprise beliefs and the beliefs you will have concerning the type of individual that you’re, your self-image, all of these issues, and truly exhibiting up and doing that enterprise work, despite the fact that you are feeling scared as fuck, and despite the fact that you may not have the proper period of time or really feel a hundred percent awake to really simply get your self to do this factor as an alternative of, oh no, I must get to mattress on time and get up on time earlier than I can do this.
No, do your greatest with waking up on time and attending to mattress on time, however it’s good to be spending your vitality truly engaged on the wrestle that you simply’re attempting to keep away from and that you simply’re efficiently avoiding by struggling elsewhere. So with all of that mentioned, that’s just a bit actuality test and a few concepts so that you can be excited about. I hope that you’re having a lovely day and I’ll discuss to you subsequent time. Bye!
Outro
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