“Once I let go of what I’m, I change into what I could be.” ~Lao Tzu
I’d identified for months that I used to be burned out.
The type of burnout that creeps in quietly—behind your eyes, in your backbone, in your calendar. I used to be volunteering in raptor rescue, monitoring eagle nests because the busy season ramped up, juggling consulting work, supporting adoption placements, writing, creating. I used to be displaying up totally in each area besides the one I lived in: my physique.
And but I refused to let go. I instructed myself it was only a busy season. That if I might push by means of, issues would relax. That my exhaustion was noble, momentary, mandatory.
That’s the entice if you construct identification round usefulness. You cease listening for limits.
Raptor rescue had change into greater than a dedication—it was a part of who I used to be. I beloved it. I used to be invested. I used to be lastly making progress in catching and dealing with, and each shift introduced new confidence. Even after every thing I’d realized about relaxation, boundaries, and overfunctioning, I nonetheless couldn’t stroll away.
It took getting kicked within the face by an amazing horned owl to wake me up. And I imply that actually.
The Second It Broke Open
It was one in every of my common volunteer shifts. I’d labored with this explicit nice horned owl earlier than—had caught her efficiently greater than as soon as. It felt like enterprise as standard: enter the enclosure, take a breath, start the catch.
Besides this time, it wasn’t standard. And I wasn’t prepared.
I took my eyes off her for a break up second. That’s all it took.
She flared, leapt, and with good precision, delivered a full-force kick to my face earlier than escaping.
Ache blurred into shock. After which into disgrace.
Wounded delight doesn’t start to explain it. My confidence evaporated. I had spent months constructing belief, training talent, getting into this work totally. And but, in a single second, all of it felt prefer it had unraveled.
I checked out my reflection within the mirror—face aching, spirit heavy—and the reality landed with brutal readability:
I’m not on high of my sport. And I’m making rookie errors. As a result of I’m too drained to see straight.
The Grief of Letting Go
Folks discuss rather a lot about burnout. However they not often speak about how laborious it’s to stroll away from one thing that feels significant.
I wasn’t simply bodily drained—I used to be emotionally break up. My time in raptor land had modified my life. It gave me resilience I didn’t know I had. It helped me really feel grounded during times of private chaos. It jogged my memory that therapeutic is messy and wild and price it.
The thought of letting go wasn’t simply unhappy. It felt insufferable.
And but, I knew I needed to. Not out of failure. Not even out of concern. However as a result of persevering with on the tempo I used to be going—with out relaxation, with out recalibration—wasn’t sustainable. I used to be breaking. Slowly. Quietly. And now, visibly.
Letting go wasn’t swish. It was layered and uncooked.
I cried. I wrestled. I attempted to discount with the reality.
And after I lastly stepped again, I didn’t really feel rapid aid. I felt misplaced.
The In-Between Is a Sacred House
Folks don’t discuss sufficient concerning the in-between.
That area the place you’ve left one thing however haven’t landed in one thing new. The place you understand what isn’t proper anymore however aren’t positive what will likely be proper subsequent.
It’s disorienting. It’s susceptible. It’s uncomfortable.
I wasn’t who I was—the keen, assured raptor catcher with contemporary adrenaline in her chest. However I wasn’t but somebody with readability about the place to go subsequent. My physique wanted relaxation. My spirit wanted stillness. My coronary heart wanted time.
However my thoughts? My thoughts wished management. It wished solutions. It wished velocity.
The in-between demanded one thing softer.
It didn’t need me to leap. It wished me to linger. To pay attention. To relearn what energy appears like when it’s mild, not forceful.
It’s the area the place grief turns into instructor. The place identification sheds its armor. The place you understand you don’t simply miss what you probably did—you miss who you believed you had been if you did it.
What That Owl Actually Taught Me
Sure, the kick damage. It disrupted my rhythm. However greater than something, it delivered a message that I had been resisting:
Even the issues that change your life aren’t all the time meant to remain perpetually.
There’s a distinction between honoring a season and clinging to it. I wasn’t simply volunteering—I used to be gripping. I used to be folding myself round an identification that made me really feel succesful, precious, important. I didn’t wish to lose it, so I ignored the indicators. I numbed out the alerts. I saved displaying up whereas my physique whispered, “Not this.”
After which it stopped whispering. It bought loud.
That owl didn’t punish me. She mirrored me.
And as soon as I heard what she mirrored again—as soon as I ended resisting the reality—I started to ask what my grip had been retaining me from.
What Letting Go Made Room For
Letting go didn’t imply dropping every thing I beloved. It meant loosening my grip lengthy sufficient for one thing gentler—and extra lasting—to seek out me.
I didn’t go away raptors behind. I shifted towards a deeper type of care—one rooted in conservation, long-term remark, and relational presence. Nest monitoring, habitat consciousness, quiet stewardship that also creates impression, however from a spot of stability.
It wasn’t about giving up my place in raptorland. It was about studying to indicate up in a different way—with out the urgency, with out the exhaustion.
I’m rediscovering who I’m on this area now. Somebody who listens extra. Who stays longer. Who works with the rhythm of the wild, as a substitute of speeding by means of it.
Change doesn’t all the time imply departure. Typically it simply means selecting a slower path, a softer touchdown, and a future constructed on sustainability—in nature and in self.
If You’re within the In-Between
When you’re standing in that unusual, sacred center—between what was and what’s subsequent—I see you.
It’s not weak spot to really feel not sure. It’s not failure to step again. It’s not quitting to confess you want relaxation. The in-between is tender. It’s transitional. And it’s mandatory.
Whether or not it arrives by means of heartbreak or a literal kick within the face by an owl, change will all the time come to escort you out of what not serves—even if you swear it nonetheless does.
You don’t must leap earlier than you’re prepared. You simply must be prepared to pause. To ask:
What am I gripping that’s already attempting to launch me?
What wouldn’t it imply to let go gently, as a substitute of ready to be torn?
Can I honor the season I beloved with out dragging it ahead?
Your subsequent chapter doesn’t have to arrive with fanfare. It might enter quietly, by means of silence, by means of softness, by means of give up. However it’s going to arrive.
And till it does, the pause just isn’t empty. It’s every thing.
About Heather Allen
Heather Allen is a feline conduct educator and founding father of Pet Sitting Cat Coach, the place she helps rescued cats rebuild belief by means of compassionate, relationship-centered care. By her writing at Soul Life Classes, she explores what it means to heal, soften, and reorient after burnout—typically guided by the quiet knowledge of animals and the sacred area of the in-between.
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